Ticked off Hermione
by DevilTito
Summary: Hermione wakes up in the worst way possible, by a singing Lavender, and she is annoyed at everyone and everything the whole day. She can be withdrawn, rude, sarcastic and down-right evil when she is in a bad mood. One-shot. First person POV.


**A/N: Hi there! ****I've read a lot of fics in first person with excessive description of surroundings, so I came up with this!**** You may have had a bad day, where everything annoys you, and I thought it could be fun to do the same with Hermione! The fic is written in 1st person POV. So basically, everything written, except for the dialogue and sound effects, is Hermione's thoughts and not much is described. She is very OOC, but who wouldn't be on a bad day? Enjoy!**

**Disclaimer: The Harry Potter Universe belongs to J.K. Rowling.**

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**Ticked off Hermione**

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The second I heard Lavender singing in the shower, I knew my day was ruined. Could a day start off any worse? No, don't answer that. I don't need to test my luck, so I better get this day over with. Ah, great. I woke up on the wrong side of the bed. Quite literally. So there I am, trying to untangle myself from my sheets, when my dear roommate Lav-Lav barges in to our dorm and practically screams the chorus of whatever god-forsaken song she was torturing the whole House with. I'd bet 10 galleons the Slytherins are hiding and cowering in fear of the demonic screeching all the way down in their dungeons. It sounds more like a demon mating-call, if you ask me. Is that another verse? Great, just great. Let me just get out of these damn sheets, and maybe – just maybe – I can strangle her with them. Honestly, I'd rather listen to Filch singing opera than Lavender right about now. I wonder, would ripping out her throat and feeding it to the Giant Squid be worth landing myself detention for the rest of term? Probably not, but very tempting. So very tempting. Hold on a second, why is she looking at me?

"GOOD MORNING HERMIONE!" Does she need to scream everything? Apparently, yes. Ten points to Hermione for not murdering Lavender. Yet.

"Good morning to you too, Lavender." She is starting another song, better do something, quick. Dear Merlin, is this what ear-rape feels like? Why won't Parvati wake up and distract her or something. Wait a minute… Parvati is sleeping through Lavender's screaming fest? Hell no.

"Hey, Lav, have you heard?" Of course that's caught her attention in a heartbeat. Could her eyes get any wider? I hope they pop out. Ha.

"Heard what, Hermione?" At least she's stopped singing. Crap, I can't say "That you sound like a dying boar, but don't mind me. Please, continue destroying my eardrums." Or can I?

"Apparently, one of the prefects patrolling last night caught Millicent Bullstrode snogging some 5th year Hufflepuff." Sorry Parvati, desperate times call for desperate measures. I hope you'll survive.

"PARVATI! WAKE UP, YOU'VE GOT TO HEAR THIS!" Is she strangling Parvati? Oh, she's just violently shaking the poor girl out of her wits. Better go take a shower. Could this floor be any colder? I hope Lavender hasn't used all of the scented oils. Oh, look! She's emptied the lavender scented bubbles and oils. Oh, the irony. Hmm… let's see. Water has the perfect temperature, tub is filled and candles are lit. Why do I even need candles, when it's morning? Doesn't really matter. Now, let's see what fragrance would I like today. I think I'll go for mango and vanilla. Sweet mother of Merlin, this smells good. I'll just stay here for the rest of the day. Wait, I can't do that. My stomach is growling. I need food. Now.

All right, my bag is packed, my robes are on and my stomach is empty. Good grief, is Lavender still here? I'll just hurry up then. All right, Hermione. Be stealthy. There's the door, out we go. That's right, keep going, we're almost out of the common room. We? I'm starting to question my sanity. Again. Okay, we've reached the stairs, down we go. Oh god, could these second years walk any slower? Out of my way! Did I just barge through a shoal of second years? Yup, definitely did. Look at how they are gaping at me. Un-mannered brats. Is that even a word? Let's see, where are Harry and Ron. Oh, there! There's a seat next to Harry. I'll just take that.

"Good morning Hermione." Harry looks tired. He's probably been playing Exploding Snap with the others all night.

"Morning Harry, Ron." Is that pancakes I smell?

"Grwd mwrmng-mph" Gross… Maybe I should move closer to Harry, he always swallows before talking.

"Always so articulate, Ron." Sarcasm for breakfast, my favorite. Now, where did the maple syrup go? There you are golden liquid of heaven. That's right, cascade onto my pancakes like a sweet, sticky waterfall.

"Did you finish Flitwick's essay?" Ah, Harry, always procrastinating.

"Yes. How much have you-"

"WON-WON!" Lavender incoming, eye roll mechanism activated. Is she eating Ron's face for breakfast? I'm going to be sick. Better get to class. Oh, joy. History of Magic with Binns. Let's hope Lavender's singing caused them all to go deaf. Especially Pansy and her squealing. Dear Godric, that girl can make my ears bleed. I should lock her in a room with Lavender and see how long it will take for them to scratch each other's eyes out. What a wonderful sight that would be.

Why are people crowding the hallways? I have a class to go to.

"All right people, get a move on!" Ah, the power of a prefect. Now, let's see who I can dock points from for blocking traffic. Malfoy. Just the snake I wanted to see. Figuratively speaking, of course.

"10 points from Slytherin for causing a ruckus." Take that!

"What the- Granger? You can't take points off a fellow prefect." Looking real smug over there, Malfoy. I can still dock points from your lackeys.

"I'll take 15 points for disrespecting a prefect." How do you like that Ferret?

"Who do you think you are, you filthy Mudbl-" Oh Goyle, always too focused on food to read the situation.

"Detention with Filch tonight and another 20 points for insulting a prefect."

"Watch it Mudbloo-"

"Detention for the rest of the week." Feeling smart yet, Crabbe? "Oh, and another 15 points for not being on time for class." I'm evil, all right.

"What the actual _fuck_, Granger?" You shouldn't have opened that big mouth of yours ferret.

"10 points from Slytherin for foul language." Wiped the smirk of your face, huh?

"Why you! 50 p-"

"Mr. Malfoy! Why are you not in class?" McGonnagall to the rescue!

"Malfoy and his cronies were messing around in the hall ways, professor. They refused to go to class, so I had to take off points." Look innocent Hermione!

"I see. 10 points from Slytherin for making another student late. Class is beginning, so I suggest you be on your way." I've always loved that woman.

"But Professor!" No use protesting Malfoy~ You'll just piss her off.

"No buts. Or do you want to lose anymore House points?" Told you. Off I go, can't be late for first period. Oh, there's Harry and Ron.

"Harry, wait for me!" I don't want to sit in the front today.

"Hermione, did you just cause Slytherin to lose 80 points in a matter of 8 minutes?" That sounds bad, when he puts it like that.

"No… Alright, yes." No use lying, Harry reads me like an open book. Damn him.

"Wicked!" I take that back. Harry is a good guy.

"Good morning students." Finally! Let's see how long it takes before the class is asleep.

"In 1472 during the Third Great Goblin War-" Let the countdown begin. 5…4…3…2…1… Go "- for the goblins, that meant forging weapons for the enemy. Can someone name a goblin made artifact?" Did he say goblin made?

"The sword of Godric Gryffindor, professor." Let's hope I didn't get him wrong.

"Excellent example Miss Granger. 5 points for Gryffindor." I love this class. How can Binns not notice that no one is paying attention? Dean is making a portrait of the professor dangling off a cliff, Seamus and Neville are playing chess, Ron is munching on cupcakes and chicken strips, the Hufflepuffs are giving each other beauty treatments, the Ravenclaws are singing songs and roasting Marshmallows by the campfire and the Slytherins are huddled together, napping while Malfoy is scribbling on his parchment. Probably plotting my demise.

"That's all for today class. For homework you'll have to write an two foot essay on Goblin Rights." Hurrah, homework. Was I sarcastic about homework? What has the world come to?

"Granger!" Sounds like Parkinson and – from the sound of clicking heels – Greengrass.

"Yes, Pugsy and Snotgrass?" Burn!

"What so you think you are doing docking off points from us?" Let the showdown begin.

"What does it look like, Pug-face? You deserved it." Not entirely true, but I felt like it.

"You just want Drakey to notice you!" Ah this is going to be good.

"For your information, Parkinson, I have no interest whatsoever in making your "Drakey-pooh" look my way. I'd prefer if he didn't look at all, just like I'd prefer you shut up and stopped make a fool out of yourself. On second thought, keep doing that. At least your face is good for laughs. You should join a circus when you graduate – that is _if_ you graduate. Ta ta for now." God she looks stupid with her mouth hanging open. I hope she catches flies. Now, let's get to the dungeons and have the imponderable pleasure of Double Potions with Snape the Almighty. Maybe he'll teach us to brew something I can poison Malfoy with, or a potion to make Pansy's hair fall off. That would be hilarious. There he comes, in all his non-existing glory, the one and only, Professor Snape.

"Today we'll be going over the uses of Buraffio's Brain Elixir and how to brew it. Judging from the last essays, you insolent fools require it more than anyone else." Someone's in a good mood. That makes two of us.

"What is the main characteristic of the elixir? Granger?" Maybe I should try and make him laugh. Brooding all the time won't do him any good.

"It increases the taker's brain power, professor."

"Correct. Instructions are on board. Begin." I know! Let's mess with someone. Who shall be my victim? All right Hermione, brew your potion and get to work. Let's think about some of the mysteries of the universe while we work. Why is it called a boxing ring when it has the shape of a square? That makes no sense. Add the flobberworms, done. What a pretty color! It needs to simmer for 10 minutes? Fine with me. Let's see… What is the deal with names? Basically, it's a combination of sounds we react upon and associate ourselves and others with, but who came up with the idea? I can see how brilliant it is, when you have to distinguish your friends from others, but who invented the names we have? My potion is done! Better get a vial from the cupboard. I'll just take the rest of the supplies with me.

Is that Malfoy about to be done? Not on my watch. Good thing I have leftover Shrivelfig.

"Hey, Malfoy. Is that Susan Bones gaping at you?" Be a good boy and look away.

"What are you on about, bookworm?" Into the potion you go Shrivelfig! Let's leave the unsuspecting victim and observe from afar, while we look completely innocent. That's right Malfoy, stir your potion the correct amount of times. Let's hand my vial over to Snape and enjoy the show.

"Proffessor," He's looking behind you. Now, "does it smell like smoke in here?" He's looking around and sniffing the air with his humongous nose. I bet he doesn't need a vacuum cleaner with that one around. Let's see how Malfoy is doing.

*Ka-Boom* Merlin's crack pipe! Malfoy looks like someone puked all over him. Let's see how Snape reacts to his favorite student messing up.

"5 points from Slytherin." My work here is done.

"Harry, Ron. Let's go get something to eat." Move your bums, I'm starving!

"All right, 'Mione. Did you guys see that? Snape just took points off his own bloody house!" You bet he did!

"I say, he's lost his marbles." Did he even have some to begin with, Harry?

Finally food! Omnomnomnom. Now I sound like Ron in my own head. Brilliant.

"Hermione, did you have trouble sleeping?" Who's talking to me? Oh, it's Harry?

"Not in particular. Why do you ask?" He sounds like my mother. Wait. How did he know? Oh God! Harry is turning into my Mum!

"It's just, you ate pancakes with maple syrup at breakfast, you docked Merlin knows how many points from Slytherin and Malfoy conveniently blew up his potion."

"Are you implying something?" Since when does he keep track of what syrup I eat?

"Only that you seem cranky. Hermione, you_ hate _maple syrup, you'd never take off points from someone like you did and you'd never temper with someone's potion – even if it's Malfoy's." I sound a little despicable that way. And it's official. Harry has turned into my Mum.

"Tell me, Harry, how would you feel if you were woken from your peaceful slumber by a pink, frilly banshee?" Now I sound like I'm PMS-ing. Just what I need.

"Awful!" Did Ron just say that about his girlfriend? Wicked.

"Aw, c'mere!" Can't. Speak. Or. Breathe. Harry. Let. Go. "Sorry." You better be. Fill my lungs, sweet oxygen!

"Here 'Mione. Have some pudding." Ron has just offered me pudding. Pudding! Mmmmm. Delicious. More!

"Better?" Hell yeah! Why is Harry laughing at me? Do I have pudding on my face?

"Loads." Note to self; When in distress, eat pudding.

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**Ah, the wonders of pudding! It even cures excessive thinking when in a bad mood. ****If you've read so far and haven't thought about burning my house, thank you very much! Even if you are thinking of burning my house, thank you! I hope you enjoyed! (=w=)/**


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